Smile Like you Mean it
by mattiasprite
Summary: When chance brings a pair of 'notsoplainJane' teenagers into the a world known as Middle Earth, will impossible culture barriers and clashing beliefs cause catastrophy... or bring upon a bond that man and elf have been lacking for far too long?


Hey guys! Mattia here to tell you my choice of adoration has temporarily shifted from samurai sword play and demon kicking foxes and fire apparitions... to long eared, long haired beasts of utter sexiness! Oh yes quite a switch I know, but I guess you could say it's a temporary 'need-to-feed' (wow that's retarded) urge... O.o exactly. Yes this is INDEED another 'Girl-or-two-falls-into-ME-why-the-hell-am-I-in-a-forest?' story, but hear this my appreciated readers! All characters will be and stay in character, there will be no tenth member of the fellowship, and there aren't going to be any bitchy whiney 'I seriously don't want to be here!' girls anywhere near my story. So there won't be any passive Haldirs, elves wanting to bind themselves in the first fricken chapter, or Legolas wondering about his damn hormones. So enjoy!

Also, this story takes place before the fellowship is formed, so again, no tenth member fiesta... too bad.

.'... disclaimers were never really my thing, but I truly don't own any characters created by J. R. R. Tolkien. I DO however own Rena, Cody, Luara, and Valerie. Um... yeah I also don't own Pavel Sajda XO. And obviously I don't own any brands that I mention cause I'm just too lazy to take them over tyrant style >D.

Chapter One - "Melodramatics for two please?"

By: Mattiasprite

* * *

A Dark room, sounds all around it like a faint whisper...

_The sky fell dark_

_The ground shook to a violent beat_

_Voices were drowned out _

_Shadowed over_

_Drawn to a desperate gasp_

_And as if in an instant it ceased_

_no worries were left to weep_

_No battles left perilously advancing _

_All that lingered was a lying, blinding sense_

_A Hollow victory that shook the world..._

Click

A fairly blonde, middle-aged man shifted in his desk seat before stretching and rising to an above-average height to overlook the class. " And that will conclude, students, our three day delve into the history of WWII which, in the fighting sense, ended with the second atomic bombing of Japan over the city of Nagasaki. I hoped you've used this movie to your advantage for your chapter test on Monday. No homework except to study, so as the french would say..."

" Viva la weekend!" An energetic blonde yelled out.

" Dork." The recently woken brunette whispered next to her.

The man chuckled. " Well I was thinking more along the lines of sarcasm, but that would do nicely Rena, now GET OUT OF MY CLASS YOU BLOODY AMERICANS, AND HAVE A DAMN GOOD BREAK!"

The class cheered and all at once bolted for the open door at the front of the class. Shouts could be heard both up and down the halls as the highschool was emptied of it's students as it usually was when Cancun and multiple orders of 'sex on the beach' was involved. Four teenagers stayed behind however to wait for their promised ride to the almighty International House of Pancakes! (A/n: XD SWEET!)

The blonde known as Rena had already jumped from her seat to steal from her favorite history teacher/Uncle's secret stash of sugary goodness.

" Jaw Breaker, Twizzler, Babe Ruth, 'Her Pleasure' condom, Hershey ba- What the HELL?" She screamed as she held the dirty little secret in her palm. How could he? Mr. Menello, her favorite teacher and uncle... she could never have imagined... Uncle... Condom... Candy drawer... " It burns my dear virgin mind!"

The brunette from before had suddenly, but with a lack of interest, appeared in back of the shrieking blonde, wondering why she had to wake up in History by such things every god damn day.

" Rena, what in gods name are you- Oh! Twizzler! Give it." She abruptly says stealing it from her grasp. " Mmm, so bad, yet so good. Now what were you screaming about a minute ago? I thought we were reliving WWII or something."

The girl calmed herself. " Valerie, dude, I just found a condom in my Uncle's candy drawer."

Valerie stood confused. " ...Yeah? All living things do the nasty, I wouldn't be surprised that your amazingly hot for his age British uncle wouldn't be living it up along with everything else." She explained while tearing at her twizzler.

" What? No! It's not that! I'm wondering how he could put such a _dastardly _thing in a candy drawer!"

" Oh you blonde..."

" What?"

" What indeed Rena." Rang Mr. Menello's voice as he stood in close proximity behind her.

" ...Snap." She half whispered.

" Uh-oh, the blondie's been busted." Valerie chimed.

" Now really Valerie, I've always been lead to believe that you were above petty taunting such as that." Mr. Menello mused sarcastically.

Valerie laughed a tad higher then average to add to the intended sarcasm and gave the Social Studies teacher a good slap on the back. " So sorry to here that Mr. Menello, but blondes such as our dear Rena here can get easily confused at times."

" Thought that up quick." Rena snapped.

Mr. Menello held back a slight choke. " Then seeing as I too am indeed a blonde, I'm guessing It's fine for me to be wondering what in gods name you too were doing going through my valuables?"

" Ah- Now that I can explain!"

He back-stepped and moved to erase the chalk board in back of him. " I'm sure you could Rena, however I'm due at a meeting-"

" More like a date."

" ... A very 'important' meeting an hour from now and I cannot afford to be late, so I would greatly appreciate an early departure from the both of you ... now." He finishes with a quick glare towards Valerie for her earlier comment.

Rena was about to protest in defense of IHOP, but then sighed, slowly but steadily placed the condom back into the 'dirty drawer', finished off her stolen Babe Ruth, and motioned silently for Valerie to follow her back towards their desks. Why bother to argue with the man? Duty was duty, and if doing the nasty all night long was his, then he was definitely going to need that condom and not her and Val around to see the show! Not that they would be 'getting it on' in the classroom... holy crap would they? Christ if they even went NEAR her desk... Forget that virgin thing because her thoughts just screwed herself three hundred and sixty degrees over. Looking over upon finishing her packing she spotted Valerie eyeing the door leading to the back room her uncle always kept locked air-tight... but why?

" Evil plans a brewin Val?"

The brunette gave an affirming nod and proceeded to smile maniacally from ear to ear.

" Oh you know me far too well."

Mr. Menello, having all his things packed and ready to go to leave the school grounds, made his way to the doorway and then turned back to face the girls with a broad smile. " I do hope you too will be gone by the time I return. And yes Rena, I 'will' make it up to you both at a later time, is it a date?"

Rena held back the need to cough. " Indeed?"

" Indeed. Then I'm off to buy a cappuccino, have a fantastic break girls."

" Oh we will uncle Peter!" Rena grinned.

" Damn straight we will." Valerie added in.

Mr. Menello smiles and gives the thumbs up to the both of them and exits the room humming the tune to ' Let's talk about Sex bab-y!', before missing a step upon hearing the screamed message, " REMEMBER PETEY! THE FREAKS COME OUT AT NIGHT!". Regaining his movements before falling flat on his face from the unexpected outburst, he puts a hand to his forehead and trudges on as if it never happened.

" Damn teenagers..."

" Thumbs up my ass!" Valerie says as she jumps over the desks with a jolt to make her way to the front of the room towards the all-mighty back room. Rena just stood by her desk and, while shaking her head profusely, watched as the adventurous brunette began to dig through her uncle's key drawer.

Valerie was a good two inches shorter than herself, always sporting a fitted band-T, low-rise bell bottoms, Vans skater shoes, and nothing but. Her attire always seemed to fit her blunt and sometimes trenchant attitude, always being to the point. Val's actions and choices fell into the same category as well. She never actually took the time to think of the consequences in _any _situation, let alone what anyone _else _might think.

Now her own appearance could be idiotically described on the street as, " Look! A blonde!"... yeah that was about it for her. She was more of a sporting department fiend though, contrary to Val's _Hot Topic_ obsession. Today she donned a black tank under a white zip-up with a dark blue collar and cuffs. Her jeans were always the same: low, shredded beyond all reasoning, and long.

" Val, I thought we we're going to wait for Codels and Luara?" Rena asked while sneaking yet another Babe Ruth from the candy drawer.

" We ARE, I'm just killing time by doing things I shouldn't. Hey, could you grab me a twiz- wait, Codels? When the hell did you start calling him that?"

" After he put a hole in both of my soccer balls." She answered with flames in her eyes.

" Oooooookay whatever, as long as I don't get a nickname, you can humiliate my brother as much as you want. Here, give me a hand over here would you?" Val had now completely entered Mr. Menello's back closet, which could be a cold blooded, murderous death trap if you didn't know where you were going. All kinds of goodies could be found in the History Teacher's 'Nook of Doom', and the two teens, Val especially, couldn't resist the call of the many treasures that lay inside.

Mmmmmm, goodies and mayhem, yummy.

She was beginning to make her way to the very back of the tiny room, watching for precariously sitting boxes and dust bunnies... and yes they _do _exist, now and forever those evil by-products of the devil.

But when Val expected rabid balls of dead skin, she instead came upon a small, jeweled box-like encasement, well ...duh it was a box, made of fine wood with a delicate emerald cross embedded into the lid. Its edges and corners were covered by detailed outlining in the shapes of spring flowers and oversized leaves, though they were all painted a harsh, smoky shade of grey. The cross didn't appear to show any familiarity to any modern religion practiced in the present day, but then again, Mr. Menello _was_ a history teacher. Viola, crazy mystery solved, but what was it's purpose? Obviously the only way to find out was to open the thing gently and with major caution.

" Val! What're you doing over there? I can't see what you're destroying."

" Nothing, just ripping apart some random box-thing I found back here, wanna help?"

So much for gentle.

" W-No, Hang on, wait till I get there." Rena snapped, quite ungracefully making her way over to the ticking time bomb that was Valerie. Why was it always 'her' responsibility to keep the brunette out of trouble? On the contrary though, the trouble maker would usually be none other than herself, however certain situations would always seem to switch these two positions around for the worse.

Like finding mysterious fragile items, yup, that was a good one.

After climbing over and, very slowly, under a box or two, Rena was standing in front of Val and quite amazed at what she has found.

"Alright! Let's get this damn thing open!" Val chanted.

" Whoa, hold up a sec, this thing could be worth something right?"

Val considered this. " Well yeah... but where in the world would you sell something like this?"

" Oh all kinds of places! Hmm, actually I wonder if Uncle Peter would want to buy it..."

Val stood awe struck. " Ren... you're not serious are you?"

" What? He collects this kind of thing! In fact he keeps most of them in his back closet... which we're... standing... in..."

" ., Fool of a blonde!"

Before the poor blonde could even defend what little pride she had, a soft florescent began to envelope the two and what ever else was near them. Upon realizing the light was being projected from that damn mysterious box of their's, she promptly began throwing whatever she could find at the horrid thing.

" WHAT THE HELL IS THIS THING?" She screamed before throwing some random 'Old Testament' papers into the now void of light.

" How in the world should I know? It was a flippen box just a SECOND AGO!" Val responded while throwing Mr. Menello's boom box.

" HEY! What have you been throwing in there anyway?"

" Well, just a second ago, your Uncle's boombox, his laptop, our bookbags... SHIT!"

" Oh great NOW we're SCREWED! Thanks A **LOT** VAL!"

" SHUT **UP**! It's not MY fault!"

" YOU'RE DAMN WRONG IT ISN'T!" Rena hollered back, trying to raise her voice over what now seemed like a tornado more than a flash of light.

" YOU'RE SUCH A BI- oh hold up, you just used two negatives in a sentence."

" GOD, HOW IN THE HELL CAN YOU THINK OF THAT AT A TIME LIKE-"

And with that totally inappropriate grammatical correction... they were gone...

* * *

SCORE! First chapter is over and done with! Now I _promise_ there will be lots of ME action in the next chapter... but only if you revieeeeeeeeeeew! .

Chapter Preview

Confusion

Questions

Confused elves

...And radical assumptions!


End file.
